My First Day of College

How lame, right? A freshman in college commenting on her first day of class. *shrugs* If you don't like it... keep it movin' cause it's about to get lamerer.

My first class, Psyc 1. How appropriate. I do plan on majoring in Psyc. My professor, whose name I will not disclose for purposes of privacy, is--i think--really good at his job. Experienced, anal retinsive, tough even, but really good. I'm going to enjoy his class.

Tis, this day has not come to a close for me.
I am but a class away from insanity
A woman studies course
Of which the first text reads
"young feminist and the new feminism"
Lipstick lesbians,
I will no doubt see...

Not that I have a problem with that. I'm probably over-exaggerating anyway. I just don't want to get sucked into a typhoon of man bashers. I mean, I love men.

I'll let you know how it went.

My Deepizm I

o Black reclusive, yet I’m giving you
o An exclusive, so…
o Sit back and enjoy the vibes
o Words cut you so deep you thought I was slinging knives
o But I promise it’s just the words I scribed
o Get tissue cause
o My mouth is an ever flowing fountain of knows
o Knowing no limits, un-abounding
o Recounting my baptism
o In cool springs of Baduism

It's been a while...

Well, it's been a while... since I wrote in my blog. But nothings new except my house. And my phone number... and the fact that I don't have a job; and I'm two weeks away from school...

I'm Green:

Green You are a very calm and contemplative person. Others are drawn to your peaceful, nurturing nature.

I thought it was pretty accurate. But I wonder... how do they do that?? **shrugs**

Who are you for me to lie to you?

My philosophy on Lies:

You've got to be some kind of egotist to think that you deserve a lie from my lips. Lie to you for what? So you'll think highly of me? Please... There are too many people who know me, the real me, and think highly of me already, for me to even waste my breath trying to change your mind.

It's so funny... People lie to each other so much, it becomes apart of their psyche, and they even start to believe their own lies... But I've decided to stop beLIEving them (mine or someone else's). Now I am in no way, shape or form saying that I don't lie anymore. O God No! You and I both know that I'm going to mess up, I'm human; but I'm not going to plan on doing it, and I'm not going to make excuses when I do (Hell, I hope it's for a good reason and I hope it's a good lie). But hey**shrugs**

However, I am a firm believer that you shouldn't let the right hand know what the left hand is doing... Or vise versa. This is wisdom and can be achieved through tactics I like to call non-lying methods or NLMs. You know... The half-truths-but-not-really-a-lie kind of methods? Here's a summary:

*the often misused don't ask, don't tell
Ex. "Suzie never asked if I had a girlfriend, so I never told her."

*the censorship method (bleeping out the information that doesn't need to be shared)
Ex. "Bobby, where are you going tonight?"
Bobby replies, "Just hangin out with friends..." he leaves out the fact that their going to smoke pot.

*the clever euphemisms and wordplays that leave the other person assuming and you in the green
Ex. "Do I look fat to you honey?" (she's five hundred pounds)
You say, "Honey, you are P.H.A.T. and ALL THAT to me!"

*and my favorite the-talking-until-you're-blue-in-the-face-but-never-actually-answering-the question-with-a-straight-answer method.
Ex. Your future employer asks, "Have you ever been arrested?"
You reply, "A few years back two officials of the law to helped me get over some anguish (or, yes I was arrested) I was feeling because of my husband's blatant disregard for my feelings (that stupid fool cheated on me). I was hurt (I killed that sucka). And all the while I had to deal with the kids (he left these two bad A kids with me while he was out sleepin around), the pressure really got to me. They helped me out a lot (they locked me up for 7 years). I'll never forget what they did for me back then...(they put those kids in foster care, now I don't have to deal with them anymore)"

Sure, there is a very thin line between the NLMs and JPL (just plain lying), but believe me, your conscience knows the difference.

Before you fix your lips to lie...Just think about it... Ask yourself: are they really worth you lying to them? Probably not. I mean, did they make you? Nope, that means they can't break you. Is you driving a Benz over a broke down hoop-ride going to make them think anymore highly of you? If it does, you don't need them. Is she/he not turning you on like they used to? Hell, tell them. Lying won't do either of you any GOOD. People, lying won't do any of us any GOOD!

**steps of soap box** But hey... That's just me.

I'm not a liar... I'm a make-believer...

**disclaimer**Please don't try these examples at home. Keep in mind that I'm not suggesting that any of these methods be used in the context in which I give the examples... I just used them so you would understand the methods a little more clearly; hoping that the situations would ring a bell. **disclaimer end**

My Life

A blog...Well I guess I can get with that...

My life is fabulous... the Fabulous Life of Deep...
LoL. Right. That would make a great show on VH1.
An 18 year old girl, ridding around in a busted up brown GMC van with no air conditioner, but happy as all Hell, cause she knows its going to get better. Yep! Perfect, I think I'll pitch the idea to them...

Anywhoo, I'm not complaining. I don't mind. I mean my life is better than it used to be. Hell, better than what it could be. I'm thankful, but I'm not complacent. I know that in order to make it better than it is now, I've got to do a lot more sweating, bleeding, hurting, and crying... but that's life. That's My Life anyway. But it's all good.

Sweating means you're doing some work. (unless you're in a Sauna)
Bleeding means you're either in the process of fighting... or you're done fighting (hopefully you won)
And crying... crying is catharsis. It's your soul bleeding, because it too was fighting.

We battle everyday. But you know how you can tell you're winning??
You woke up this morning...

This is my routine...
If it's hurting me, I stop doing it. If they aren't saying anything that enriches my soul, I leave them alone. And I always find something to do for a few minutes out of the day, that doesn't require much brain power... I call this MEdedication Time.

My Deepizm

And so I sit...
And take a minute to examine,
My heart and my tongue. Because
My mind is dauntless.
Never affraid to think of the impossible
Never dared to not think I could...
Do anything...
But my heart and my tongue don't always follow suit.
But they will... Now
Watch me work.